Want an Emotional Solution? Top 3 Magical Questions to Ask Before You Explode

By: Jane Powell - Meditations for Women

Remember the last time you were irritated and agitated, but couldn't quite put your finger on why? Maybe your husband forgot -- again -- to take the trash out. Yes, it's irritating, but you're also aware that you're even more irritated than the situation seems to warrant. What do you do?

a. take the trash out yourself, then almost deliberately start a fight with him about it to help blow off some steam and make sure he never forgets again

b. quietly stew about it until he asks why you're ignoring him and then calmly remind him through grinding teeth and forced smile of his previous promise

c. nothing; ignore it each time until it gets so irritating that you explode later over something totally unrelated

I'm sure you could come up with several more options on your own too, and they sure do make us feel better in the moment. There's nothing like the release of spewing our frustration and anger at someone else, especially when they've given us a reason. But does it really solve the problem?

How can it, if we don't know what the real problem is that needs to be resolved?

Knowing how to get beyond the external cause of a problem and into the emotional reaction we're having can be a challenge, especially when we're in the middle of the emotional part. But it is possible - and totally worth it.

By asking ourselves the right questions, we might realize that it's not about the trash at all. We might realize that what we're reacting to is that he was inconsiderate and that might be one of our biggest pet peeves. Or we might realize that with the toddler in the house just learning to walk, having a full trash bag left sitting around too long is a health concern. Or we might realize that we're frustrated over the incident at work the day before when our colleague completely ignored our suggestion and it blew up into a nightmare that almost got us fired and now we feel as if we've just been ignored again.

It could be almost anything. But when we learn how to address the real reason we're reacting, it allows us to find a real solution. Not one that just makes us feel better in the moment and potentially at the cost of others, but one that allows us to find resolution in the way we truly need it.

What are those 3 magical questions you can ask yourself the next time you want a solution?

1. What do I NOT want myself to be aware of right now?

2. What can I learn from this (either your response to question 1 or the situation itself)?

3. How might I use this new awareness to serve both myself and others; now and in the future?

These 3 questions bring out what's behind the immediate reaction we're having, and allow us to begin focusing that same energy in a positive and supportive way.

So the next time you find yourself reacting, but can't quite put your finger on why, give these questions a try. You might be surprised at how much better you feel.

Recommended Reading

Article Source: http://www.meditationsforwomen.com/articles

About the Author: Lori Chance is a writing coach who uses her experience as a life coach, mother, woman and entrepreneur to enhance the lives of herself and others. Feel free to learn more about Lori online at www.destinationwords.com. You may also enjoy reading one of her blogs.

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