3 Reasons Why You're Lonely and How to Change It
Human animals are social creatures. We have evolved to live in groups, and rely on each other for meeting a myriad of desires and needs, including companionship, sharing the responsibilities of daily living,the exchange of ideas, raising offspring, and avoiding the discomfort of isolation and loneliness.
So if we are "hardwired" to desire the company of others, why are we often lonely? The world is over-populated with human-kind. How is it possible to be lonely in such a crowded place!
Let me suggest 3 reasons why some people feel lonely in their lives.
1. A misunderstanding regarding the difference between being alone and being lonely.
As you think, so shall you feel.
If your beliefs tell you that any time you are not with other people you are, by necessity, lonely, then you are more likely to, in fact, feel lonely. If, however, you recognize that being alone is sometimes merely a state of being with ourselves, your mind and heart are more capable of feeling acceptance about the state of being alone.
In other words, thinking you are lonely conjures up more negative judgements about who you are in relation to other people, and with the world in general, than does the concept of being alone. Being alone could just mean no one is in the room with you at any given time.
2. Not liking yourself.
If you don't like someone, do you particularly want to spend time with them? Probably not!
And if that someone is yourself, then you may have a problem if there are no other people around to give your attention to rather than needing to focus on yourself.
It's possible that other people provide you with a distraction from the not-so-good feelings you may have about yourself. Poor self-esteem is more difficult to ignore when your self is the only self in the room.
Humans tend to avoid not-so-good feelings, and if you are like many humans, you may be tempted to give other people the job of making you feel better, by distracting you from looking at yourself; your shortcomings, your failures, your perceived flaws, and all the other judgements you may have about yourself!
Unfortunately, what often happens is that people in your life begin to feel this need you have, to always have them with you, as a burden and an obligation. This then will eventually create, in them, a desire and a need to find emotional, if not actual physical, distance between you and them.
And bingo! You may begin to feel lonely, because other people don't want to be around you as much as you need them to be! They definitely don't want the job of keeping you from being lonely!
Needy is not attractive!
3. A lack of reciprocity.
Most people feel a need for a give and take in their relationships. If reciprocity is missing, the relationship can feel one-sided, more like a project than a quality relationship.
Your friends, family, partners, and yes, even your co-workers, like to feel they are appreciated and that the energy flowing between you and them is two-way. They want to know they matter enough for you to put forth effort in the relationship, and that you are willing to be available for what they want and need, as well as expecting they will give you what you want and need.