We often use negative and limiting Self-Talk without even realising that we are doing so or we listen to other people's limiting opinions about us and we adopt these limiting beliefs or opinions as our own.
A limiting belief is a belief about you or that you have of someone else that limits him or her in some way or another. In other words: restricting the person or setting a boundary in terms of "he, she or I cannot do X." Self-talk are the words that you use to describe your experiences.
Example 1:
Susan tells her friend Mary: "I want to loose 10 kg, so I joined the gym today."
Mary laughs and replies: "Get real. You will NEVER loose 10 kg because you eat way too much!"
What a friend! Not supporting Susan at all in her goal. In stead, Mary is crashing Susan's goal of losing weight. For the purpose of our example: Susan's self-esteem and confidence levels are low. She buys into her "friend's" limiting belief about her and in doing so, sets herself up for failure.
Other examples of negative & limiting Self-talk:
I am unlovable / Undeserving / Unwanted / Alone / Unattractive
Slow / Stupid / Not intelligent / Untalented / Unworthy
Different / Not good enough / Not measuring up to others
A klutz / Weak / etc.
I always mess up
I don 't matter
I can't do it
"We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us." - Virginia Satir
When I believe the negative things or limiting beliefs of others to determine who I am, I give them power.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt
When things go wrong or you make mistakes, it is easy to use negative Self-talk and then to keep repeating the negative Self-talk. If I am experiencing problems in my relationship, I could be saying to myself: "I don't deserve to be happy" or "I 'm not good enough".
By engaging in negative Self-talk, I limit myself and start seeing myself in the light of "not deserving to be happy" or not being "good enough". This belief I now have of myself of not deserving to be happy or not being good enough influences my actions and the decisions that I make.
If I am experiencing ups or downs in my life, I should look at it objectively. In other words: look at the situation from a 3rd person or outsiders view to see why I experienced success or why did things go wrong. Objective analysis of the situation is necessary. Too often we only look at our failures and not the reasons behind why things went wrong.
Unfortunately, when growing up, not all of us receive the kind of encouragement and support we need from our parents. I want you to know that it is never too late to change a limiting belief.
Steps to take to change your limiting beliefs:
1) The 1st step is to realise when you are engaging in a limiting thought about yourself. The moment you catch yourself saying: "I can't..." or "I am not...", then you are using a limiting belief. If you are a parent and you are using language as per above examples, you are not just limiting yourself but also your child and creating an environment for a low self-esteem and low confidence level to develop in your child.
2) Do not let other people decide who you are or what you can accomplish in your life.
3) Start believing in yourself. How can you expect others to believe in you if you don't believe in yourself? You must love, respect and accept yourself with your strengths and weaknesses in order to gain the love and respect from the people in your life.
4) Live your values. Your values connect you to your passions and must guide your actions.
5) Avoid the 12 negative thinking traps below:
• Assuming
• Over-generalising
• Shoulds
• Making comparisons with others
• Binning the positives
• ... happily ever after
• Blaming other people and events
• It's all or nothing!
• Believing what you feel
• Personalizing
• Labeling
• I can't cope with life
6) Be positive:
a) in your thinking (your thoughts),
b) your language (the words you use),
c) your body language (the energy that you display and movements that you make with your body) and
d) your emotions (be in control of your emotions).
7) Be flexible & resilient. Flexibility allows you to make changes to your behaviour or direction if it is required, as well as learn from your mistakes. Resilience or bounce back adaptability allows you to be a "fighter" and not to give up if you encounter a stumbling block. Find a way around it or a different way to accomplish your goal.
Your Self-belief carries through to your Self-esteem, which in turn impacts on your confidence levels.
Remember, life is not just about being beautiful on the outside. Beauty fades and wrinkles remain. Rather be beautiful from within and show your inner beauty to those around you. Don't shoot yourself in the foot by buying into limiting beliefs. It only hurts you!