In the purest sense of the word, vulnerability is the susceptibility to physical or emotional injury or attack. If you are vulnerable, indeed you are capable of being hurt. But what happens if you are never vulnerable. Are you capable to never being hurt? What else are you likely never to be?

In general people fear three things: death, pain and abandonment. In contrast, they find joy from love and a sense of belonging. But have you ever noticed that when you ask people about love, they tell you about heartbreak? When you ask people about belonging, they tell you about abandonment. When you ask people about connection, the stories they tell you are about disconnection? This is because they remember the last time they allowed themselves to be vulnerable to those emotions, the outcome brought them one of their biggest fears - abandonment. Vulnerability can lead to excruciating agony that leaves people with the shame of not being good enough. Then they fear if they risk vulnerability again, the instant replay of inadequacy will race back, flooding them again with shame.

People who accept vulnerability have a strong sense of worthiness - a strong sense of love and belonging. They are wholehearted. They do not lose a sense of themselves if rejected. The difference between the wholehearted and those who fear vulnerability is that the wholehearted, believe they are worthy of love and belonging. They feel they are good enough.

People create wonderfully sophisticated defense mechanisms to avoid being vulnerable. Fear automatically kicks in as a safety net. Fear leads to disconnection that keeps you from love and connection with others because you cannot selectively numb your emotions. If you turn on the "Numb" switch to avoid vulnerability, you also turn "Numb" to the emotion marked "Joy."

People avoid being vulnerable by viewing things in absolutes. You can see how this plays out in office politics. Instead of compromise, you may hear a lot of, "I'm right and you're wrong." We blame others as a way to discharge our own pain and discomfort. We pretend our own actions don't have an effect on people because what they did to us is far more egregious than what we could have done to them. All of this is avoidance.

Wholeheartedness takes courage, compassion and connection. It takes courage to say, "I love you" first. It takes compassion to ask what feeling is at the root of difficult office behavior. It takes authenticity to let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you really are. And to let go of who you think others should be in order to accept them for who they are.

Vulnerability is not a science. It cannot be measured. Nor can risking it guarantee a positive outcome. But it does have a definite affect on people's ability to find happiness. Indeed it is the root of shame, fear and disconnection but also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love.

Embrace vulnerability. Feel how it makes you beautiful. Revel in the childlike innocence it instills. It may not be either comfortable or painful. It's just necessary. It allows you to be who you are meant to be without guard or pretense or false bravado. Be courageous enough to let yourself be seen as vulnerable - as beautiful and wholehearted. Believe you are enough. Love with every ounce of your being. Practice gratitude. Welcome joy for the alternative is very lonely.

The next time you are faced with the opportunity to love or be loved, or to fit in or welcome another to belong, ask yourself what is at stake if you don't open your heart. Is it enough to never feel pain if you then never feel joy or love either? Understand that you are not perfect, but imperfect and worthy of love and belonging. You do not give up a piece of your soul if rejected. You are enough. Start now!

About the Author: Mary Lee Gannon is the president of Gannon Group - a full service executive coaching, training and consulting firm that provides productivity strategies for people and organizations by improving team performance, executive leadership skills, board performance, planning and project execution. Visit her website for more information: www.StartingOverNow.com.