The next time you are with your special person and
you feel the urge to complain or to focus on your worries-mention how
impressed and excited you were hearing of the incredible rescue of the
captain of the Alabama off the coast of Somalia. What? Am I nuts making
such a simple and strange recommendation? Without pulling together the
latest data on whether or not I've lost my marbles, give this a try.
The suggestion is valid because it passes the ultimate test. It works.
When
we humans get anxious, we also turn self-centered. Self-centeredness is
not always expressed by being demanding or not respecting others. We
are also being self-centered when we let our mood be dominated by our
"worries." In love relationships, our worries often concern whether or
not the other person cares as much about us as we care about them or
worries about the actions of the other person.
When these sorts
of worries preoccupy us, we are usually saying things like, "I don't
think you should go out with your friends so often," or "I don't think
so-and-so, who you think is a good friend, is really a good person for
you to know," or "Why do you watch so many mindless television shows?"
or "Did you even notice the work I did? Why didn't you compliment me?"
or "Why don't you eat smaller portions and exercise more?" These sorts
of remarks sound as if we are not being self-centered, but merely
concerned for the other person.
You can read all the psychology
in the world. You can come up with all sorts of rationalized
"explanations" for the immediate climate in your relationship. The
facts are that when you talk about people doing amazing things and
showing incredible courage, you can't think whiny, anxious thoughts at
the same time. When you push your fears aside and talk about beauty and
strength, your brain changes. Your face changes. What you are "giving
off" and "getting back" changes. You create hope in the other person
and a positive energy field around yourself.
Start your next
conversation by talking about the rescue, the captain, and the Navy
seals capable of precise action exciting beyond any movie I've ever
seen. Not to mention, this wonderful event actually happened--and we
are lucky enough to share the moment.
