Not sure why we do it, but seems to me that lots of
us really procrastinate when it comes to living our dreams. Some say
it's fear of failure. Others, that it's fear of success. Or maybe it's
just plain lack of confidence. Whatever it is, it sure is funny to me
that so many of us forego our dreams in lieu of what we're "supposed"
to be doing. Our jobs. Our kids. Our family obligations. No time. No
money. No idea where to start. And the list goes on.
The craziest
thing about this is that when we finally DO take that step, more often
than not the success that comes is not only a breeze, it's uncanny how
perfect the timing of our courage can be. And it seems to me that
courage is a big part of our stepping into that unknown. Courage.
Side Note:
Before
I continue on with my meanderings here, I want to share this with you.
It's a quote from one of my very favorite books, called Another Roadside Attraction
(by Tom Robbins). In this story, the character
named Amanda is forced to live with a number of FBI agents who've
infiltrated her home, trying to locate her husband who has reportedly
stolen the corpse of Jesus from the catacombs of the Vatican. (yes,
it's a very funny story!) Amanda is the epitome of harmony. She
believes in thunderbolts and magic. She believes in butterflies and
flea circuses. She is who I always wanted to be. She also knows that
life is not nearly as complicated as most folks make it. So, while
listening to one of these FBI agents spew about courage, trying to get
her to give up her husband's location, she responds with this:
"Courage?
You risked your life, but what else have you ever risked? Have you ever
risked disapproval? Have you ever risked a belief? There's nothing
particularly courageous in risking one's life. So you lose it. You go
to your hero's heaven and everything is milk and honey til the end of
time, right? You get your reward and suffer no earthly consequences.
That's not courage. Real courage is risking something you have to keep
on living with. Real courage is risking something that might force you
to rethink your thoughts, and suffer change, and stretch consciousness.
Real courage is risking one's cliches."
I remember the first
time I read that passage. I was 22 years old. I read it and it stopped
me dead in my tracks. I must've reread that passage a hundred times. It
made me begin to scrutinize my own definitions of my life. It made me
want to "stretch consciousness". It made me fall in love with words all
over again. I suppose you could say that it was the beginning of the
adventure I call "my life". And it stuck with me all these years. Now I
have it on a large piece of parchment paper, hand-written in (my)
calligraphy. It sits right in front of me in my office, where I read it
many times a day. It inspires me to do things I'm afraid to do. It
forces me to rethink my thoughts. It makes me remember that I can ....
anything at all.
So...back to my 'story'...
It
just so happened that not long ago, someone sent me the name of a
publishing company that will accept submissions directly from the
authors (as opposed to needing an agent to do so). I've had this
information for over 2 months, yet every day when I'd look at it I
would say "I'll do it tomorrow". Procrastination at it's very best (or
would that be "worst"??!) The weirdest thing about all this is that I
have the book written. It's not like I'd have to start from scratch or
come up with some new, fantastic idea for a book. I have it completed!
I've had it for almost a year. Yet, for whatever reason, I continued to
just let it sit here, unread by anyone who might actually put it in
print! What the.....?
Today, when I came into my office, I saw
that note stuck up on my cork board and got flat out irritated. I began
to chastise myself for putting it off for all this time. I heard myself
say, "what in the world are you waiting for?!" And finally, after all
this time, I printed out what they asked for, wrote a biography and an
overview (as requested) and put it in an envelope. Got in my truck,
dogs and all, and drove on over to the Post Office. The moment I walked
out of there, I had this overwhelming feeling of excitement. Huge
excitement. I had clear visions of all sorts of "what's next". I saw
the package arrive and a person open it. I saw that person reading, and
smiling, and getting up from her desk to show it to her boss. I saw, so
very clearly, this other person nodding her head and smiling too. Then
I heard her say, "let's give her a shot. I like the way she writes and
her subject matter is perfect. I think we've got something here!"
Am
I insane? Nope. Don't think so. (Don't all crazy people say that?) I
just know that there are times when our logical Self makes way for our
inner Self to emerge. When this happens, all manner of magic happens.
And I also know that when I envision things this clearly, it's because
it is actually going to occur. I am NOT kidding. More often than not,
it's the action we take that causes another action (this would be
called a "re-action", yes?). It's those very clear images that we can
actually see in our Mind's Eye that make way for whatever it is we're
calling to us. When we're kids, we do it all the time. But little by
little, we get told stuff like, "you need to stop all that nonsense.
This is the "real" world and your crazy notions are just your
imagination. Stop all the daydreaming and do your homework." Or some
such thing.
Little by little, we begin to believe what our parent
or teachers or other 'grown-ups' tell us. We ditch the imagination,
which is really our Inner Self telling us our truth, and we stop
believing that we can do the things that bring us the most joy. It's
one of the cruelest things our elders do to us. Even if they don't mean
it to be cruel, it is. They unknowingly steal our dreams away and
demand us to be 'sensible'. ICK. And so, we leave our whispers behind,
telling ourselves that it's just child's play, and we dive into the
'grown-up' world, where working a job we loathe becomes our demise.
Terrible. Horrible. No good, very bad stuff.
On this day, I took
back those dreams. I took back the magic of my child and said a very
loud YES. I made up my mind to follow my dreams, regardless of how
little sense they may make to others. I chose MY life. And from here on
out, it's going to be the Life I've always dreamed of living. Filled
with wonder and learning and all sorts of new adventures. Today, I
chose ME.
