As a coach, I’ve spent a lot of time talking with people about setting boundaries, which often involves saying NO to things. Learning how to say NO builds clarity about what you don’t want in your life.
As you get clearer (and braver!) you may notice yourself saying NO more frequently, protecting your time for what you’ve decided is most important. And what about YES? When do you say YES? What do you say YES to?
Here are four important lessons about saying YES:
1. Answer from your heart, not from your mind
If it’s something you’re meant to say YES to, your heart will skip a beat or give you a little burst of energy. Pay attention to that, instead of to whatever chatter your mind is doing. Give yourself the time you need to hear your heart. Get into the habit of saying, “I’m not sure, let me get back to you.”
When I first heard about the yard sale, I felt that little burst. Then my mind started chattering about all of the work it would take. Luckily I had already followed my heart and said YES.
2. Stay out of the muddy middle
If you’re going to say YES, say it with an open heart and a positive spirit. Jump in with both feet and be open to everything the experience has to offer.
While preparing for the yard sale, I was in the muddy middle, kind of grumbling about doing all of this work. Thankfully, something shifted in me when the day came. I started noticing all these new experiences I was having; how cool it was having my son working right along with us, how great it felt to re-connect with my neighbors, and how relaxing it was to just dedicate the day to being present to whatever and whoever was going to show up next.
3. Time will take care of itself
I have a client I’ve been working with on his beliefs about time. He had a lot of stress and unhappiness due to an underlying belief, “there is never enough time.” He’s been able to transform that belief, and his new mantra is that “there’s plenty of time for the most important things.”
We’re so accustomed to protecting our time, energy and resources that we become fearful of saying yes to anything that will require more energy. But it’s often stepping out of that usual (harried) routine of the things we’re used to putting our energy into, that can cause the wonderful surprises.
When you say YES to something new, you may need to say NO to something else in order to fit it in. You may need to adjust your schedule. You may need to say YES, AND… (”I can’t do it today, but I can do it in two weeks.”) It will be easier to jump in with both feet when you’ve cleared the way.
Trust that time will always take care of itself and what’s meant to get done will get done.
4. Notice the blessings
Because of the beautiful gifts I received as a result of saying YES to the yard sale, I will have a much easier time saying YES with an open heart the next time. Here are just a few of them:
- While clearing the clutter, I found my high school year book that I thought had been lost forever and two old journals that gave me some very relevant insight into some new issues in my life.
- We took some of what was left after the sale to an aunt, who knew just what to do with it. An “alley cat” bicycle trailer was the perfect gift for a young girl with some developmental delays, who now waits excitedly for her father to come home from work every night so they can go bike riding – something that would have been impossible otherwise (and it was just sitting in our shed taking up space!).
- An older man from our neighborhood came back a few days later for a bicycle he’ll be able to use for rehab after an upcoming surgery.
- The joy of watching children discover “new” toys that had become “old” to us (though it was a little hard to part with the pogo stick)
- Our clean, organized home. We’re much more determined to keep it that way, and think twice before collecting more stuff.
What about you? Is there something your heart is longing to say YES to, even though your mind is chattering about why you shouldn’t do it? Why not apply these four lessons and go for it? I’d love to hear what you discover.
©Donna Krone. All rights reserved.
About the Author: Donna Krone has presented her distinctive approach to life change at such notable venues such as the Positive Aging Conference at Eckhart College in Florida, the ASA/NCOA Aging in America conference in Washington D.C. and the renowned Kripalu Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts (2010). For regular guidance and wisdom for living a purposeful life, please visit http://www.sacredconversations.com and subscribe to her free newsletter, Conversations.
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